During our training as coaches we learned that the coach must coach the client, not the saboteur. This makes sense because it is essential to not confuse the voices of one and the other. But in this course we continue to break the rules!
This time, the saboteur will be our client. The saboteur, our internal critic, has its own personality, it way of talking and its own purpose. By establishing a dialog with this part of us which in the end could include an alliance, we help our clients to clearly distinguish and be able to negotiate with the intention to integrate this part into the whole person.
This work is especially useful when the client doesn’t have their saboteur clearly identified or when their saboteur is taking charge of the situation and the client is in a direct fight with it.
The power of this work is based on the effective dialogue between one and the other. Without fighting and without yielding, we can recognized and combine them. The skill to combine and align is another Advanced Coaching Skill that we will explore.
Many times the saboteur has been with the client for a long time and your client and the old fight and frustration that comes from being against this part of the person has a profound negative impact on the client. Clients are right to fight but the saboteur also has its purpose and perspective and it is possible that it has been hurt as well. In those cases we must first normalize it. Normalize with empathy and compassion and observe the signals that is show us what the intention is between the client and their saboteur.
The initial disfunction of the relationship between our client and their saboteur can be considered the “primary”. When you work with your clients in the way, it is good to put your attention there and normalize it, honoring this primary all the while being aware of what is happening between them through this dialogue which means a “secondary” is emerging. This is the place where it will be possible to integrate and continue moving forward together.
Advanced Coaching Skills:
Attention to the secondary